qatarperegrine | Aug. 7th, 2005

This weekend, in addition to fun things like going to see Batman Beyond and celebrating Justin's birthday, I:

finished (a draft of, at least) an article I agreed to write almost three months ago. Eep. I just couldn't figure out what I wanted to say, so it's been hanging over my head all summer. I don't even know if I made the deadline or not, but it's nice to have that off my plate. And now I can feel like I can start working on some longer journal entries that have been bouncing around my head but that I've felt too guilty to write.

got our financial records straightened out and did a YEAR's worth of filing after deciding that the "toss everything in a drawer until we move back to Pittsburgh and file it for real" system wasn't working for me.

caught up on e-mail. Like, completely. There is NOTHING in my inbox right now. No "who haven't I written back to" guilt. No treadmill of opening old e-mail and thinking "Oh, I have to deal with that" but not dealing with it, and thus only having to open it again later. w00t.

did dishes! Our house is clean. Our kitchen is clean.

And, before I left work last Thursday, I did all the same kinds of things in my office. Everything is filed, and I have one organized to-do list.

I'm hoping this will improve my focus this week. I won't start my ESL reading and then think, "Oh yeah, but I have to go take care of _______." Everything is taken care of already.

(Speaking of taking care of things, that was the line that made me laugh most in Revenge of the Sith. What kind of minion hears Darth Sidious say "You have done well, Viceroy. When my new apprentice, Darth Vader, arrives, he will take care of you" and doesn't start making out his will? Come on, Nute. Get with the program.)

The common thread here, incidentally, is GUILT. There are so many things I've been feeling guilty about not doing: fulfilling my writing obligations, staying on top of our bills, keeping in better touch with loved ones, doing my share of the housework -- not to mention things like exercising and meditating more regularly.

I once had a long conversation with a client about how bad a motivator guilt is, because when thinking about a task makes you feel guilty and bad, you just start avoiding thinking about the task. When the thought of meditation brings up guilt, I'm not naturally going to meditate more; I'm going to think about meditation less. The guilt is completely counterproductive. What works is realizing that fundamentally I WANT to do those tasks, that doing them will make me a happier person. But I'm awful, awful, awful at putting this idea into practice myself. (Ooh, did you catch that? Now I'm feeling guilty about guilt.)

This moment of self-involvement brought to you by Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. Way to go, Dr. Beck.